Happy 21st!

Last night, I had the opportunity to help celebrate the 21-st birthday of part-time co-worker. Let me tell you how old I felt.

The poor kid doesn't really drink. He kept commenting on how OLD so and so is. So and so...is 26!

I wanted to take back my blow job. Uh, shot that is. Actually I don't remember what I bought him, but I ordered a buttery nipple. One of the few times I enjoy a sweet tasting woman-part. After one shot and one martini...it was approaching midnight and my ass needed to be in bed.

I left shortly after, as birthday boy was slugging back shot number 10, still nursing his first rum and coke.

I must leave you know and go take my Geritol!

Hope you have a fabulous weekend.

Smooches and a big gay hug!
"W"

The Office

Unlike the cult hit on NBC, my office doesn't provide me with comic relief. Especially lately.

I'm tempted to call in sick, since the scheduler apparently thinks it's ok to allow EVERYONE to have off the same two weeks for vacation. It's not that I don't mind helping out when others are gone, but it's the fact no one else seems to want to pitch in and help out.

Sorry for the lame post and random vent...but I'm just pissed and bitter and over it all.

Smooches...the week is half over.

"W"

Swimming Pools, Movie Stars

How about hot tubs under the stars?

All in all, a pretty relaxing weekend.

Saturday - hit the gym, met the Gal Pal for lunch, made an appearance at a local fundraiser, came home, took a nap, went to eat with Ramon and Terry, and ran into a co-worker while at dinner. It was his birthday. He was eating alone, said he went to a movie and looked at Harley's. In my bleeding heart mentality, I gave him a call later and said let's meet for a drink. We met another coworker and enjoyed a few rounds of beers. I felt so butch! Tons of hot (but str8) guys at this quaint little outdoor/deck bar. Great atmosphere, except for the mosquitoes. Unfortunately, they were the only things biting, but the eye candy was nice enough.

Sunday, I decided I needed some new underwear and made a trip to the GAP outlet. Of course I saw three shirts "I had to have", and added those to my purchases.

After months of talk, Ramon and Terry finally got a hottub. A late afternoon/early evening rain shower cooled things off considerably. So the guys grilled out, invited me over, and relaxed in the hottub. We also watched Reno 911: Miami in between hottub cycles. It was pretty funny!

I'm starting a new eating program (i hate the word diet), so I'll keep you posted on how that's going.

Smooches & Have a Great Week!

"W"

I'm Not Proud I'm Missing Pride

I'm also not proud it's been a week since I last blogged. I'm such a slacker. Lately, I haven't been in the mood to do anything. I've skipped on the gym a lot, I've been eating everything I can get my hands on...I'm blaming it all on the heat/humidity. I know you all probably hate me (well those of you still out there reading).

Due to lack of funding, I'm not going to the Big City this weekend as planned for Pride. I've never been to any pride celebration, so I don't know what (if anything) I'm missing. To quote from an episode of Will and Grace I saw this morning, "It'll just be thousands of guys in lycra tops going "hey girlfriend"". I was also watching the Biggest Loser on Bravo, and heard the song that you're about to listen to in the following clip.

A great friend of mine put this video together for a Pride Kickoff Planning Event (or something like that) back in February. It's incredible!

Enjoy it and enjoy your weekend.

"W"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GibNmkTna0Y

Awe Nuts!

I'm not one to take advantage of other's misfortune (yeah right, I do it for a living).

Take a look at this!

Now at first glance, the gentleman on the left is getting ready to stick his hands down the guys shorts.

Perhaps it's the start of a homo-erotic photo essay? Shush, he doesn't know he's gay yet.

Actually it's a trainer tending to the poor 'nads of French tennis player Marc Gicquel.

Here's the yahoo sports photo caption "Frenchman Marc Gicquel gets treatment from a doctor after he received a serve, travelling at 208 kilometres per hour, in the testicles during the fourth day of the Halle ATP tennis tournament, 14 June 2007 at the Gerry-Weber Tournament in Halle, western Germany. Gicquel continued his second-round tie against German Benjamin Becker after treatment. " FYI, 208 km is like 130 miles an hour. YIKES! Perhaps he needs some extra special TLC.

How odd for the trainer to have to tend to those testicles. Double Yikes! And no, tennis players usually just wear a jock and not a cup.

And who says tennis is for wimps?

Later,

"W"

Stolen from the Desk of....

Dirk Mancuso! I'll steal a blog post idea

From: The Desk of "W"
To: Carrie Underwood.

Dear Ms. Underwood,

I'm not a legal professional, but I do think singing about vandalizing a cheatin' no good sum bitch's vehicle is not wise. I'm not sure which state the key digging, tire flattening, souped up truck took place in, but I do think you could be charged with a misdemeanor.

PS Carving your name is pretty obvious, so next time you might think of using your keys to scratch out something more creative like "I Suck Cock" or "My Vagina Smells Worse Than My Breath"

From: The Desk of "W"
To: An Arrogant Co-Worker

Dear Arrogant Co-Worker,

Please realize you are not the only person at the office who works. There are others who make sure the ship keeps sailing, no thanks to your shitty efforts. I'm not sure if it's your small penis or your annoying lisp, but you've definitely got a chip on your shoulder. And while you're at it, lower the volume a bit, we're not hard of hearing. One more thing, your back must be pretty fucking sore from all the patting yourself there you do.

PS Get off the cross buddy, we need the wood! (to borrow a quote from Sordid Lives)

From: The Desk of "W"
To: All the Hot Guys at the Gym

Please understand that your repeated stares send mixed messages. If you are interested, say so. If you are not, go grab some woman's boobs to let me know. I'm tired of playing the 'check-me-out-check you out game'. I do not go into the locker room, because I have no need. If you want to shower together, please call me or make a suggestion while I'm on the treadmill. I will promptly make arrangements to use my home shower.

PS If you ask nicely, I'd consider showering with you at the gym. A friend of mine (and current reader) recommends the last stall.

This Post Doesn't Have a Title

Ah it's Monday again. After three days off work, I'm refreshed and ready to get back to the office. Yeah right! I'm already looking forward to Friday now.

A quick update to my last post, which could have been called "Did I Shave My Balls for This?" An homage to Deana Carter's "Did I Shave My Legs for This?" I don't listen to country music, I swear, but it just seemed appropriate.

Late Saturday night, I get a text from Kevin saying "I had a great time, let's do it again, this time in your town."

The message helped lift my pissy mood, but I think I want to have the "is this just a friends hanging out thing or what" talk.

Oh, Big 'Mo Moment Alert! Tomorrow night (I'm pretty sure) you can catch my all time favorite episode of Will & Grace. "Von Trapped" features the gang at a Sound of Music Singalong and hilarity ensues. Check it on Lifetime (TV for women and gay men) at 11 Eastern/10 Central.

Later and stuff...

"W"

Three Strikes

Having worked the Memorial Day holiday and the Sunday before, I accumulated some paid time off. In fact, I'll enjoy three Friday's in a row away from work. Yesterday, I went up to the Big City to hang out with a new acquaintance, Kevin. He works in the same business I do, we've chatted since January, and hung out a couple of times in between.

I arrive, we go to lunch, he pays, and we head to the state Botanical Gardens. We spend an hour strolling around admiring the plants and flowers, chatting about this and that. It's all very comfortable and nice.

Later that evening, we meet up with some of my friends from the gay church for a 'group outing' (no pun intended) at a bowling alley. My first thought was...Friday night bowling...hmm...how redneck is this? And how many of us will get harassed?

My fears were swept aside as the bowling alley wasn't crowded and we pretty much had the place to ourselves.

Let me just say. 10 gay men and one lesbian bowling...talk about comedy! There was so much swishing going on as we approached the lane, I think the shear force of the wind knocked at least 2-3 pins over each time!!!

I started off well. First frame, strike. Second frame, strike. Third frame, strike.

*We interrupt this post for a special report...*

I've never bowled back to back strikes. Until March of this year, I hadn't bowled in at least 8-9, maybe 10 years.

*Now back to our regular scheduled post...*

So on the fourth frame, I'm thinking, ok this is it...and I bowled a spare. In all, I scored a 175...far better than my personal best of 130 set back on April 5, 1994. I remember because it was my 16th birthday.

The second game, I didn't do as well scoring in the 120's...I don't remember.

During the bowling, Kevin seemed to be having a great time, but we didn't really chat much. We both were talking to everyone else around us. After stopping for frozen custard and some fast food, we went back to his apt. The plan was for me to stay there, and that's what happened. I guess I was just expecting something more...or at least for him to offer to sleep in his bed. WRONG! I spent the night on the couch.

Not that was a problem, but it was disappointing. I wasn't hoping to get lucky...but it's been sooo long let me tell you, I think they've changed how you do it. Even a good night kiss would have suited me just fine.

This morning I could tell he was a bit antsy about something, so I took the cue and excused myself before he went to work.

His dog really liked me though. Not that dog....the one with four legs and a tail.

I woke up this morning feeling blah...almost depressed. I'm trying to snap out of it, but nothing's really wrong to fix, so I dunno what's up.

I did go visit my friend Sean and we tanned poolside for a bit, then I came on home, rather than staying another night with Sean and going to church Sunday.

Sarah was out of town, so we missed a chance for more Sarah Says.

Smooches and Best Wishes to Everyone...

"W"

This has nothing to do with you, and it doesn't change our love for you in any way...

You'd think after 35+ years of marriage, a man and woman would be able to make it 'until death do us part,'...but noooooo.

On Monday, Mom called to let me know she was moving out to be closer to take care of my grandparents, who are in poor health.

Bam!

Just like someone smacked me upside the face.

She explained she was not getting a divorce, but needed to get away from 'home'. Mom and Pops live waaay out in the country...very few neighbors. Plus she works from home, so she's there all the time. I can see how it gets monotonous. However, 9 years ago when they moved there, she knew all that.

Of course it's easy for me to fault her, but Dad is such a great guy. He never cheated, abused, or did anything to make life unpleasant for Mom. In fact, he walks on eggshells just to keep her happy.

Mom tells me they'll keep a joint checking account and stay on his insurance. Which I replied, "that doesn't seem fair." She also said they'll still talk and see each other, just not live together. I didn't want to ask how long this will last.

It's not the first time she's done this. Exactly three years ago this week, she up and moved out too. A month prior to that episode, she had a hysterectomy and didn't go on hormone replacement therapy. She's always been a little out of whack, and took medicine to help her balance out. She called me at work and asked me to take off the next day to come move her. I refused. That set off a few weeks of unpleasantry. It only took a few more weeks before she and dad started talking again and began the process of patching things up. A few months later, she moved back home.

I know it must be tough for small kids to go through a divorce or separation, but what about adults. At this point, it just seems silly.

As my sister put it in an email Monday...and I quote..."In just one month, I lost Zach, I lost another baby, and now I lost my parents...again! I'm not sure how much more I can take."

I reminded Mom too that Em is in a fragile state right now, and that she should think of others before she makes any major decisions.

Of course all this complicates things for when I come home to visit. I have to make three stops....one to see Mom...drive another hour to see Pops...then another hour to see Em. It's CRAZY!

"W"

Body Pimp

As you all know, my latest addiction is going to Body Pump class at the gym. Oddly enough, you can't really tell, because I've been eating more too and just might be mistaken for something floating along during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Saturday I was setting up for Gal Pal and another co-worker, when I happened to notice a hot, tasty new face in the back. After closer inspection, it wasn't a new face at all! It was the yummy soccer coach at the local Catholic high school. I'd met him out before a few times and never got a vibe...not even a little blip on the ole gaydar.

Due to positioning, I couldn't exactly stare at him or get a good look, but everytime we stretched I made sure to sneak a peek. At one point, his shirt came up, revealing a tight and smooth chest, with just a bit of a treasure trail snaking downward.

When it was time to put our step and risers away, I made sure to return them right behind Hot Soccer Coach. He bent over, the outline of his sport briefs pressing through his soccer shorts. Double yum! As Sarah would say "I think I creamed my panties!" Seriously.

Jerry, my hair stylist, also cuts Hot Soccer Coach's hair and can't figure him out. He did say he's always very gay friendly acting, and even talks about looking out for any gay students to make sure they're not harassed or anything. A former student asked him recently, "Mr. V, have you come out of the closet yet?" He said he told her, "No, not yet."

Even if he's as straight as they come...it's still a nice fantasy.

"W"

Smells Like Teen Spirit

As one of my all time favorite Tori Amos cover, "Smells Like Teen Sprit" is such a calming and mellow sounding rendition of the Nirvana classic.

I'm about out of cologne. I have "Delicious" from DKNY and some version from Hollister.

So...I would like to put out a call to what's your favorite male fragrance...let me know what smells good. I'll go out in the next few weeks and sample your suggestions.

Thanks for the input!

"W"