Stolen from the Desk of....

Dirk Mancuso! I'll steal a blog post idea

From: The Desk of "W"
To: Carrie Underwood.

Dear Ms. Underwood,

I'm not a legal professional, but I do think singing about vandalizing a cheatin' no good sum bitch's vehicle is not wise. I'm not sure which state the key digging, tire flattening, souped up truck took place in, but I do think you could be charged with a misdemeanor.

PS Carving your name is pretty obvious, so next time you might think of using your keys to scratch out something more creative like "I Suck Cock" or "My Vagina Smells Worse Than My Breath"

From: The Desk of "W"
To: An Arrogant Co-Worker

Dear Arrogant Co-Worker,

Please realize you are not the only person at the office who works. There are others who make sure the ship keeps sailing, no thanks to your shitty efforts. I'm not sure if it's your small penis or your annoying lisp, but you've definitely got a chip on your shoulder. And while you're at it, lower the volume a bit, we're not hard of hearing. One more thing, your back must be pretty fucking sore from all the patting yourself there you do.

PS Get off the cross buddy, we need the wood! (to borrow a quote from Sordid Lives)

From: The Desk of "W"
To: All the Hot Guys at the Gym

Please understand that your repeated stares send mixed messages. If you are interested, say so. If you are not, go grab some woman's boobs to let me know. I'm tired of playing the 'check-me-out-check you out game'. I do not go into the locker room, because I have no need. If you want to shower together, please call me or make a suggestion while I'm on the treadmill. I will promptly make arrangements to use my home shower.

PS If you ask nicely, I'd consider showering with you at the gym. A friend of mine (and current reader) recommends the last stall.